Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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