i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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