M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
