Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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