You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
