something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
