Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Girls should come with a carfax report
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
