addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
did i just pee glitter
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
