Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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