i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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