upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
