my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
