Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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