there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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