I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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