Screwed.edu
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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