dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize