Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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