if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize