hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
