Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
