god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
