once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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