Duck Duck Cougar?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize