I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
