i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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