why didn't you poke me back
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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