sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
