rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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