I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
