we're blogging at a bar
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
