I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
