sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
