Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
