I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
