i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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