As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
