He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
