Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize