My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God I need to hump something, right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
