is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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