oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
