You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
