You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
