i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
