ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
