let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
