Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
