You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
