Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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