fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's the barista slut.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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