i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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