is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
