These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
