The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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