my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
