I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
