Pants 0. Shit 1.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can I color on your dick again?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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