and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
