I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
