Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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