if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
