we have pet lesbian snakes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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