How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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