Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
