Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
