i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
