I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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