areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
