i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
