it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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