You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
